swinging

The reason this task is so relevant this week (or last) is that in the history of knowing the 5 of us and ten years (times 5 ) of busy lives, this feels like the the most insanely busy period of big changes we are all going through.

So where am I at????

Do you remember the Billy Joel video clip of "We didnt start the fire", well my brain swings from that to being intensely present with the kids at the moment.

This parenting thing has left me many many times feeling out of control. But at the moment when I am with the kids (as I am 24/7, including much of the night) I feel really focussed. Is it because the glorious age of 4 has hit and it is laugh a minute with my once wildly spirited 2-3 year old. Or is it a new found inner peace with change?? Whatever it is, I am enjoying these days so much - New bikes, new teeth, scraped knees, chewing cords, less waking at night, up all night. But for some reason we are in a rhythm. Perhaps it is because we have no idea where we will be living in 6 weeks, Sydney, Singapore, Hong Kong, Sandy Beach. Who can predict what the great financial markets will do in a week, so perhaps the 4 of us are just in a rhythm of living this life as it is today, today.

And then I think about the logistics of this move and I tumble out of the present into the unknown, spending weeks of time on real estate websites, and spontaneously crying whenever I have to tell people we are leaving, blaming baby hormones still......

And then I think about Asia and this kingdom of paradox we have living amongst. Sydney feels too real life, too old life, too far away from the world. But Asia is so rife with corrupt governments and excessive capitalism and I long to bite into an apple that has only travelled 4 hours by road to get to the market. And I swing high and low from these realities. My kids are now more Honkanese than Australian, but I want them to be barefoot and salty, but I want them to be exposed to language and culture and I continue to swing........

And then I think constantly about the politics of war, this bloody war my brothers going off to fight in again. Nothing is black and white about it anymore. He told me that the word in the army is that these rouge Afghan soldiers who are shooting at our men are most likely being blackmailed by the Taliban and their families and children threatened..........and I cant fathom a world where this is possible. I swing...

So approaching mid thirties, unsure of which country I will call home in the next little while, I feel happy and ease with change and so grateful for my hub & kids. But Asia has left its mark, the world feels so much more complicated than before. So right now, where am I at..... I guess I feel like I am at the top of a mountain looking, waiting for the universe to stamp its thumbprint on me.

And can I just add how excited I am to be a part of my darling beautiful Spouty's wedding in 2 weeks and 5 days. And how when I think of her as a blushing bride I spontaneously burst into tears.....

and life is that beautiful